sigh...

So, I'm laying here in bed, wide awake, listening to my boyfriend snore. It's quite annoying actually. I'm exhausted. Today has been the worst day I've had in a long time. I think it could work out for the best though. To sum everything up, my mom does not like Duane and thinks he is holding me back in life. I disagree. And, my stubbornness, her lack of acceptance later, I'm going to be living with my dad for the time being and hope everything turns out for the best. This could be the worst mistake of my life, but I do love Duane, a lot, and I feel that being 18, almost 19, I should be able to have the option to be with him. If I end up regretting it, then I regret it but I'd move forward. Anyway, the good thing that has come out of this is that it is forcing me to grow up. I'm going to apply at a few places for a full time job tomorrow. And, look into online classes at HACC or Phoenix University this next week. Then, once I get things in order, I'm going to try and get my own place with a friend or two maybe. I don't know... I wish my mom would understand. I know she loves me, but she doesn't have faith in me. I love her though...

Well...

I just feel like sticking my nose in where it defiantly doesn't belong and talk about "CHRISTIANS" for a second. I grew up in church from the time I was born, and I frankly just don't agree with it. I find some people that follow Christianity to tend to be the more judgmental, self righteous nits out there (granted there are some exceptions at this). And they will attack anyone, including each other. What ever happened to loving thy neighbor?

I can't even walk into my old church without, honest to god, having a panic attack. I just don't have any good memories from there. People judging me, each other. A place that once made me feel safe and loved does the exact opposite. Leaders who once supported my friend and cared for her, being rude and aloof towards her. Why? Because she moved in with her boyfriend. So someone doesn't live by the same beliefs as you? How could completely dropping them help? From my experience, if you disagree with something someone is doing, attacking them for it won't help. As their friend, you need to love them and support them no matter what they choose for their life. I'm not saying that you have to agree or keep you're mouth shut. In fact, voice your opinion. But do it in a private, loving, way. For example, tell them that you don't agree with what they are doing, possibly tell them what you think would be best. But then tell them that they have to make the decision on their own. Respect them and their choice, and be there for them always. I don't get how I can see this and many Christian people can't... Why they choose to judge one another and forget about people they once cared about all because they don't believe what they believe. It is sad. Attacking people for what they believe gets you no where and helps no one. Try getting to know the people and understanding why they feel the way they do. It'll open your eyes and theirs.

Jesus loved everyone, including sinners. If you are supposed to be striving to be more like him, why are you still judging people for being gay, or having sex out of wedlock, or experimenting with drugs/alcohol/smoking, having an abortion, spending money on things, not being Christian themselves, not going to a church, not tithing, living with boyfriends, getting divorced(my ex-church wouldn't let a man be part of the elders i believe it was for the sole fact that he had a divorce in the past... what ever happened to forgiveness? I'm sure Jesus forgave him why couldn't they?), etc... If I was still a follower, and lived like that I would be ashamed. To claim to be one thing then live in the exact opposite is just wrong. And won't get you anywhere. Worse, you are lying to yourself.

I'm sorry, I just find all these hypocritical people to be so ANNOYING! I'm done writing this now because 1 no one will ever read it and 2 if the people i mean it for do read it they won't agree or learn from it or accept anything I have to say. They are people of God, and aren't doing wrong. I doubt they'd try to learn anything from a "non-believer" anyway....

Prove me wrong please?

car accident

So, earlier this month, I was in my 6th accident. (The first one anyone got hurt in). It was snowing and I couldn't stop. It landed me right in front of a shipley propane truck thing. I then flew across route 30 and landed in the middle of a field. I broke um... six ribs and fractured two of the wingy things on my spine. Anyway, I then passed out while I was in the hospital so that got me sent to get an eeg. You can go here if you don't know what that is... en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electroencephalography

Ha, so, the results came back irregular. I'm hoping it is just because of the medicince I was on. Anyway, now I'm having a 48 hour eeg and I get to walk around for two days with wires glued/taped to my head. I look and feel like a moron. I'm very ready for thursday...

Anyway, I think this accident seriously somehow got me to instantly quit smoking. I haven't had the urge to or even really wanted to smoke my lovely American Spirits since. I tried to smoke since but it wasn't the same. I didn't get the same gratification for it. I was quite upset. Ha. But I'm so glad. It's nice. I don't get it but I really think that it has to do with the accident. I'm freaking lame. I don't know. I don't feel like I'm completely the same person. I don't talk to many of the friends I had before. Actually, I talk to my true friends. You really can learn alot about who you're friends are. I'd get in the accident all over again.

However, all I really do is lay around and watch Jerry Springer. I went back to work on Sunday. I don't like it as much. It doesn't make me as happy. I need to go back to school but I can't convince myself to take the steps I need to do so. I feel like I had a purpose for this blog, but I don't. Oh well... I guess it is whatever. I'm gonna go watch the rest of Jerry now and maybe read my new book. Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell.